I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
