tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
