its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
