oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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