i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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