We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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