im having a threesome with these popsicles
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
