It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize