I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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