you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
