u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
