I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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