You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
