He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
