She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
