That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
