i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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