how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You don't make any sense
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