i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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