In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His hands were made for my vagina.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Randomize
