Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
