New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
