giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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