Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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