Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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