The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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