What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's always time for handjobs
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
