her vagine was all disorganized.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
