I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
