We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
