If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
