you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
