i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
