I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Drunk is not a location!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
