I met the friendliest cop last night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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