all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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