She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
