Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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