Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
