There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
