He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
