Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
