my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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