I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
