I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
