You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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