I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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