Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
