He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
