I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize