My brain says no but my pants say off.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
