There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
