we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
