Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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