i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize