Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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