my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
