hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
