Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
