She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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