your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
