who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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