I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
