Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
