I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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