I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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